The Definition of a Mailbox

According to dictionary.com:

mailbox
noun
1. a private box for delivery of mail
2. public box for deposit of mail [syn: postbox]

The English department at USC apparently does not agree. To them, dropping something off in a “mailbox” is the same as “coming by and handing something in in person during regular business hours.”

Essentially, I’ve tried (and failed) twice to hand in a short story I wrote to a competition they’re hosting. This frustrates me, so I’m doing the absolutely most productive thing I can think of and venting on the intrawebs.

Touching Our Clients

I work part time at a web design company. About 90% of our clients are in the Real Estate industry. In addition to designing and building their sites, I oftentimes end up writing or, more-often, rewriting their copy* since what they’ve submitted is a) a grammatical mess or b) makes absolutely no sense and makes them sound like a mentally challenged third grader. An example:

“Whoever we touch we will do so in a professional manner, completely open and accountable to our client to serve their needs in the manner they deserve.”

It should be noted that the man who wrote this not only went to business school, but has also been very successful; he started a $60 million dollar textile company with 200 employees.

I feel like this is the only way to adequately express how this makes me feel:

* The one exception to this rule is Matt Sweeney of Rich Kids Real Estate. He is one of the few real estate agents I’ve met who can form a coherent sentence, has some idea how the internet works, and seems like a genuinely good guy. If you’re in the market for real estate in the LA area, I’d definitely recommend checking out his website and then giving him a call.

I would do anything for love… when I’m 30

We all have expectations placed on our lives, by society, our family, our culture, our friends. One interesting expectation I’ve come to notice in the last several years is that young, college educated people (minus those heavily involved in religious organizations) seem to feel this pressure to make love the last priority in their lives until they’re in their late 20s or early 30s.

We look down on those who marry young, making snide comments about how they’ll end up divorced in 5 years. If a job or other opportunity comes along in another state, we feel pressure to take it. Because love can wait. Our careers, we’ve been taught, cannot.

Similarly, it’s perfectly acceptable to uproot ourselves and move to a new town, or even country, because of a career opportunity, family, education, need for change in scenery, or just a whim. But move to be with someone you love and you get warnings from friends and family, telling you you’re making a mistake.

Young men are supposed to sleep around, bouncing from girl to girl. I’ve had several boyfriends whose mothers disliked me, not because I’m a bad person or I did something to offend them, but because they thought their sons were getting too serious about me when they should be out playing the field.

Young women are supposed to be serial monogamists, involving themselves in a series of relationships (because, in most cases, they’re still whores if they just sleep around), but not batting an eyebrow when things are over.

I’m certainly a victim of these expectations - I went into my first serious relationship knowing that I wouldn’t be with the guy forever, not because there was anything wrong with him (he was very kind, intelligent, and fun) but because I didn’t see myself as the “type” who would end up with her first love.

And I know the statistics and the research - many more people who marry young end up divorced. Most likely because psychologically, our brains and personality aren’t fully developed until we’re in our mid 20s, which can lead to conflict if one partner “changes” during the course of a relationship.

But marriage is a legal (and sometimes religious) document. We fall in love despite it. But if we try to, heaven forbid, work to make our love last before we hit the big 3-0 we’re seen as naive and shortsighted. Because who wants happiness when there’s so much money to be made?!

I, for one, am going to do my best to override expectations. Life is an adventure and I want to experience all parts of it.

Do You Think You’re Good?

Today was the first day of spring semester. In my adaptation class, we were going around doing introductions of ourselves: names, where you’re from, what you write, why you’re in the program, etc. When it was my term I gave the basic schpeel.

When I was done the professor remarked, “I noticed you said something interesting. You said you thought you were good. What makes you think that?” My immediate was to blush and think to myself, ‘oh, shit, did I say that? Did I seem like a cocky asshole?’

I stammered out that I’d had some moderate success in the last year or two, optioning a screenplay and placing in a prestigious competition. I was really embarrassed and wanted her to move on to the next person. But she lingered, saying, “This town is littered with people who optioned a screenplay or placed in a competition. There’s a difference between winning competitions and being good. Don’t confuse the two.”

I turned even more red and tried to mumble something inane that wouldn’t make the situation any worse; I was racking my brain trying to remember exactly what I said. I finally remembered:

I was describing how I got into screenwriting. I believe I said something to the extent of, “I moved to LA in 2005, shortly after graduating from Dartmouth, with the goal of being a film director. An agent and friend recommended writing as a good way to get into directing, so I decided to write a screenplay. I really enjoyed it and realized I was pretty good at it, so I pursued it.” Etc, etc…

When I look at it that way, it doesn’t sound that bad. But the way it was presented in class, I felt like I had said the worst thing ever. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, I do think I’m a good screenwriter. That’s part of the reason I enjoy it, and why I’m pursing it as a career. I don’t think I’m the best, or even great (yet) but I do think I’m good. That doesn’t mean I don’t have room for improvement, or that I’m stuck up, it just means I have a healthy self confidence (well, in terms of writing, at least) and an awareness of my own abilities. So why, if it’s the truth, did I feel so ashamed when my professor brought it up?

When I got home, I asked my roommate, Jeff, and our friend, Eric, both of whom are artists in their own mediums (acting/costume design and music/writing respectively,) if they would ever say they were “good” at their art. Both replied that they would be mortified to do so. We talked about it for a while, and it seems that it’s pretty unilaterally accepted across artistic fields that you can’t admit to your own abilities. It’s not just about being humble, but you have to actively think you suck, otherwise you cross the line from artist to cocky hack.

I can’t imagine a lawyer (or doctor, teacher, construction worker, computer programmer, etc) being too embarrassed to say they were good at their job. I’m not saying they go about bragging about their proven superiority, but most of these people would be able to honestly tell you if they thought they were good at their jobs, and no one would think anything else of it.

So why do us artsy kids get so hot and bothered about it? Why are we expected to be self loathing and incapable of realistic self evaluation? There’s this stigma that you can’t ever be satisfied with your creative work, because if you are you won’t try to improve. That just seems horribly depressing to me. I can look back and see the flaws in my work - probably more than most other people can - but I can also tell you which pieces I think are successful and which aren’t and why. And I will try to make something even better next time around. I don’t want to feel like to be a respected writer I have to constantly be hating on myself (I do that enough in other arenas of my life.)

I am a good writer. I’m proud of that. I hope to keep working so one day I can be a great writer.

So why then, even in this blog post, does it make me so ashamed to say so?

Quarterlife Crises

Q: What is a quarterlife crisis?
A: The quarterlife crisis, or QLC, is essentially a period of anxiety, uncertainty and inner turmoil that often accompanies the transition to adulthood. (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/)

I often hear the term tossed around as a joke of sorts. The etymology of the word explains that: it’s a spin on the classic idea of a midlife crisis, which became a joke on many 80s TV sitcoms depicting pot-bellied, balding 50 somethings buying sports cars and dating ditzy, younger women.

Except in a quarter life crisis you don’t have the money for a sports car (or any car), and you are the one who is dumped when your partner leaves you for someone richer/better looking/more convenient. In other words, your entire life seems to fall apart and you get all angsty and depresso.

It all seemed like a social myth until I went through one myself a year or two ago (I’d probably date it from spring 2006 to spring 2008, give or take.) Every aspect of my life - social, career, romantic, financial - was in upheaval. I vaguely knew what I wanted out of the future, but the path to get it wasn’t clear. Eventually I got myself together when I went (once) to a therapist, realized she wasn’t going to tell me anything I didn’t know, and decided to fix myself. My road out of QLC-ville involved yoga, forcing myself into new social situations, new jobs, and a decision to go to grad school.

And I’m not unique; a good percentage of my friends have had their own QLCs. And it’s not just us starving artists out in Hollywood. I know a good many lawyers, phD students, and computer programmers who’ve gone through them as well. And we’ve each had to find our own way through them. Because despite what our friends and family tell us, despite how logical their advice is, it only sticks when we figure it out for ourselves. And we each have to do that our own way.

I’m not entirely sure I have a point with this post. A warning for those still in school of what’s to come (though you won’t believe it until it happens to you.) A reflection on my personal journey for the past three years. A somewhat convoluted way of letting a person very dear to me know I’m trying my best to understand what he’s going through right now.

Take your pick, or just accept the fact that I don’t really have a point, and I am just musing on a subject that I find interesting. Maybe in the future I’ll come up with some amazing thesis on the topic. Or maybe I’ll decide that’s not my purpose in life, and I’ll move onto the second quarter of my life.

Resoluting

Last night I learned that an acquaintance and young Dartmouth alum passed away several weeks ago from a pre-existing condition. It was just the most recent in a string of oddly tragic events that seemed to mar 2008. I don’t think I’m the only one who is ready for a new year.

Don’t get me wrong, there were definitely some amazing things that happened in 2008 - Obama’s election, optioning my first screenplay, starting graduate school, my quarter-life crisis coming to an end, and surprise Thanksgiving guests - but overall the year seemed to host an inordinate number of untimely deaths, illnesses, and relationships ending.

In the spirit of the season, I figured I’d lay out my resolutions for the new (and hopefully less disaster-ridden) year. I am the type who is constantly analyzing my life and trying to change it for the better, so many of these are things I already have been working on in some form.

Resolution #1 - Healthier Kelly & Healthier Earth
I spent all summer with Windsor Mountain hippies and they sort of rubbed off on me. Pair that with learning that cattle produce more greenhouse gases than cars, and I started seriously rethinking my eating habits.

I was a vegetarian for a little while in my late teens. It didn’t work for me. I also believe that humans are evolutionarily designed to be omnivores, so I don’t think it’s wrong for us to eat meat. I do think most of us (in 1st world countries, at least) eat way more meat than we need, and I’m skeptical of many modern farming techniques. Therefore, my new dietary rules for a healthier me and a healthier planet are:

• Only one meal with meat per day
• At least one meal a day should be > 50% vegetables and fruit
• Eat beef only once per week
• Finally read The Omnivore’s Dilemma
• Be aware of where my food comes from, and buy organic, free-range products if possible

Resolution #2 - Dental Hygiene
Every year for the past ten years or so, I’ve made the resolution to be better at flossing my teeth. I’ve never had a problem brushing, but I hate to floss! I’ve actually been pretty good at making myself do it daily for the past couple years, but putting it on the resolution list again can’t hurt!

I also realized a few months ago I haven’t been to a Dentist in a REALLY long time (Dr. Rezzie would be so disappointed in me!) Once I figure out how dental insurance works at USC (and finish paying off all those pesky medical bills from the whole cancer debacle last year) I’m going to go in for a check up. And really hope I haven’t gotten the first cavity of my life!

Resolution #3 - This Website!
I will finally put content up on the other sections of the site, and start blogging more. I’m hoping to post shorter posts more often. And include more images, videos, and exciting things that might actually interest people other than myself!

Happy 2009!