I would do anything for love… when I’m 30

We all have expectations placed on our lives, by society, our family, our culture, our friends. One interesting expectation I’ve come to notice in the last several years is that young, college educated people (minus those heavily involved in religious organizations) seem to feel this pressure to make love the last priority in their lives until they’re in their late 20s or early 30s.

We look down on those who marry young, making snide comments about how they’ll end up divorced in 5 years. If a job or other opportunity comes along in another state, we feel pressure to take it. Because love can wait. Our careers, we’ve been taught, cannot.

Similarly, it’s perfectly acceptable to uproot ourselves and move to a new town, or even country, because of a career opportunity, family, education, need for change in scenery, or just a whim. But move to be with someone you love and you get warnings from friends and family, telling you you’re making a mistake.

Young men are supposed to sleep around, bouncing from girl to girl. I’ve had several boyfriends whose mothers disliked me, not because I’m a bad person or I did something to offend them, but because they thought their sons were getting too serious about me when they should be out playing the field.

Young women are supposed to be serial monogamists, involving themselves in a series of relationships (because, in most cases, they’re still whores if they just sleep around), but not batting an eyebrow when things are over.

I’m certainly a victim of these expectations - I went into my first serious relationship knowing that I wouldn’t be with the guy forever, not because there was anything wrong with him (he was very kind, intelligent, and fun) but because I didn’t see myself as the “type” who would end up with her first love.

And I know the statistics and the research - many more people who marry young end up divorced. Most likely because psychologically, our brains and personality aren’t fully developed until we’re in our mid 20s, which can lead to conflict if one partner “changes” during the course of a relationship.

But marriage is a legal (and sometimes religious) document. We fall in love despite it. But if we try to, heaven forbid, work to make our love last before we hit the big 3-0 we’re seen as naive and shortsighted. Because who wants happiness when there’s so much money to be made?!

I, for one, am going to do my best to override expectations. Life is an adventure and I want to experience all parts of it.